I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
