Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
