I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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