So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
