Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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