I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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