literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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