I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
