you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
