imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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