if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
