My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
