if you like me you must not know who I am
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
