My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
