if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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