dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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