wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The power of my boobs compel you
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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