you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
