Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
