I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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