what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
