she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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