Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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