peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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