My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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