Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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