even my farts smell like vagina
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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