He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
