i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
