Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
