At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
