i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
