Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
