The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
