she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
