apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
