My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
