So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
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