just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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