Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
