Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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