even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
