i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
