you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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