I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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