Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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