that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I just shit out all my problems.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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