just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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