I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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