I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
