Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
